Energetic Dating Hacks for INFJ Women
There’s the sexy, chaotic ones who stimulate your mind and reconnect you to your body,
but they don’t know how to keep the fire burning.
They’re intoxicating, magnetic, and exciting but they lack the integrity to keep you.
They’re all passion and no devotion.
Then there’s the safe ones who are so painfully boring.
They don’t challenge you or make you feel alive.
They’re all comfort and no spark.
Why can’t anyone hold both?
How are they all so fucking un-integrated?
Nothing but shadow or none at all.
You’re one of those few unicorns who know that balance is possible
because it’s embodied in you.
But if you really are that special, then why doesn’t anyone treat you that way?
It’s because you don’t require it.
And men will get away with anything you let them get away with.
It’s not because they’re evil. It’s because they’re smart.
Men are logical, strategic, and selfish, and they conserve their energy where they can.
Even finding a good one demands that you know how to handle the bad ones first.
Is that stupid? Yes.
Should it be that way? No.
But I’ll venture a guess that waiting for reality to conform to your ideals hasn’t worked for you so far.
There is nothing inherently wrong with who you are.
You’ve just been playing by the wrong rules.
Welcome to your initiation.
We operate in the realms of higher consciousness.
We believe in divine timing, soul contracts, and sacred unfolding.
But dating isn’t about romance or intellect or even spirituality.
It’s about biology.
It’s primal and animal and unconscious.
And no one taught you how to navigate it.
You didn’t have parents who modeled healthy masculine and feminine energy.
You didn’t have wise older siblings to usher you through early dating.
Neither did I.
We are all learning as we go.
We are the orphans of a lost mythology.
All you had was your own aching intuition whispering, This isn’t it.
And you were right.
You just knew you wanted a masculine man, and you weren’t finding any.
The truth is that if you want a reformed bad boy, you have to be a reformed good girl.
One who isn’t afraid of scaring the wrong ones away.
Because if you want to find a needle in a haystack, you have to burn down the haystack.
Humans are animals, and dating is a mating ritual.
It’s visceral and driven by scent, body language, tone, eye contact,
an unseen dance with energy.
The primal brain picks up on confidence, unpredictability,
and whether someone feels grounded or desperate.
It’s all about energy.
The good news is that INFJs are magicians when it comes to energy.
And you will be magnetic once you learn how to channel it.
Men can feel it when you detach.
You’ve seen it.
The second you’re happy and focused on yourself,
they show up to either share or steal your life force.
It’s almost comically predictable.
Men don’t think like women.
Against everything you’ve ever been taught,
the more you focus on you, the more they will focus on you.
Because men don’t want good women.
Men want happy women.
As frustrating as all of this is, and as much as you want to say fuck this, fuck dating, fuck men,
there is still a part of you deep down that wants to be pursued and claimed without being dominated.
But it can’t happen until you stop making it easy for them.
Stop over-thinking and stop over-explaining yourself
because you are not here to be understood.
You can’t be understood because you are the embodied wild.
You are here to be worshipped, respected, feral, and free.
Men used to write letters from war
and now they can’t even text back
because we lost the art of courtship and discernment.
Your attention must be earned.
And allowing them to earn you is power without effort.
Dare to imagine that you can have what you want by doing less, not more.
So before you pine over inconsistent men, remember who you are.
Remember what your ancestors went through to bring you here.
And may the bridges you burn light the way.
You’ve spent your life reading the room, holding space, healing others,
and hoping that one day someone would do the same for you.
That someone would see you. That they’d stay. That they’d show up the way you need them to.
But now you’re done waiting.
And you’re not dating for potential.
You’re dating for presence.
It’s a dance between connection and keeping your sense of self.
To inspire someone to prioritize you, you have to value yourself first.
You’re not here to chase love.
You’re here to choose it; with discernment, depth, and sovereignty.
When you center yourself instead of a man,
you naturally attract men who see your value and rise to meet it.
The goal is to embody a mindset where your standards are non-negotiable.
It’s not a game of manipulation.
It’s about reclamation.
Dating should feel succulent, fun, and empowering.
It shouldn’t leave you feeling confused, anxious or questioning your worth.
Once you reclaim your feminine power, your standards become a filter
that will scare away anyone not worthy of your energy.
None of these principles will get you the things you want from the wrong man.
It will only help you attract the right one.
So if it’s not working on the man you want it to work on,
it doesn't mean you’re doing it wrong.
It means he’s not enough for you.
Get clear on what you want and stop focusing on WHO you want.
This is about getting WHAT you want.
You don’t have to chase anymore.
You don’t have to tirelessly search.
Your job is to glow and let him find you.
And in the meantime, reject accordingly.
This is your permission to cultivate disgusting amounts of self-respect.
You have to love losing just as much as you love winning,
because being single is fun, flirting is fun, basking in attention is fun
when you stop projecting into the future
and learn to enjoy the moment without giving too much of yourself away.
You’re not dating to find your soulmate.
You’re dating to find out what you like.
To sharpen your intuition.
To practice your boundaries.
To hone your discernment.
Enjoy your test drives, but don’t invest in them.
Finding your person is the side effect, not the target.
Control Your Emotions
The more emotional you become, the more important he feels.
Even if your emotions are negative.
Fighting, crying, and chasing all feed his ego.
Conflict is confirmation that he matters.
So respond, don’t react.
Speak with calm clarity. Say how you feel, what you want, and what you’re looking for.
Then step back and watch to see if he rises or disqualifies himself.
This isn’t about suppressing your emotions.
It’s about expressing them with self-possession.
Because men don’t respond to your words.
They respond to the shift in your energy.
A man’s deepest fear is losing his place in your heart.
When your focus turns to you instead of him,
that’s when he starts paying attention.
Let him feel that discomfort.
Let him wonder where he stands.
Let your silence say what your words never could.
Men respond to non-verbal communication,
signs you’re moving on, and the threat of competition.
Respect Your Time
Scarcity signals value.
So stop being instantly available.
Don’t say yes right away.
Try, “I’ll think about it.”
No last-minute plans.
Pause. Reflect. Respond on your time, not his.
Make him plan in advance.
Make him wonder.
Be unpredictable.
Be emotionally warm but not easy to access.
Don’t rearrange your world to prove your worth.
Don’t cancel your life to accommodate his.
And don’t be afraid to say no.
Because men value what they have to earn.
Availability without effort is boring to them.
And every time he disappoints you?
Level up.
Glow harder.
Shine louder.
A good man will learn from his mistakes.
A bad one will just keep watching you rise
until you’re out of reach.
Men don’t “waste their best years” on a relationship—
and neither should you.
Women feel like they wasted time
because they stop growing when they’re in love
to focus on the connection instead.
Men don’t.
They keep building no matter what.
So don’t let relationships slow your growth.
That way, even if it ends, you’re still further ahead.
Don’t Over-Give
Be warm but not eager.
Warmth is magnetic.
Eagerness is insecurity in disguise.
Hold a steady, welcoming presence
without leaning too far forward.
Feminine energy is grounded, not frantic.
Receptive, not performing.
Don’t give wife energy to a boyfriend.
Don’t give girlfriend energy to a date.
Your love is sacred.
Let it be earned.
Women amplify men; emotionally, spiritually, even financially.
But most of the time, men benefit far more from a woman’s presence
than she does from theirs.
That kind of magic should be reserved for the man
who consistently shows up
and commits to making your life easier, safer, and richer.
In the meantime,
save that power for yourself.
If you’re cooking, cleaning, crying, and committing
for a man who hasn’t even claimed you,
you’ve already lost.
No Loyalty Without Commitment
Emotional investment needs to come before physical connection.
Because your body has a mind of its own
and it’s not casual about sex,
no matter how much you try to logic your way out of it.
To your body, sex is sacred.
It bonds. It remembers. It attaches.
And if a man hasn’t emotionally bonded to you,
your body will betray you by binding itself to someone
who hasn’t earned you.
That’s not chemistry.
That’s a biochemical trap.
The moment you sleep with someone,
your subconscious thinks:
This man might father my children.
It doesn’t matter how modern you are
or how effective your birth control is.
Your body still lives in a primal world
where sex and childbirth were dangerous risks.
Birth control gave women the gift of freedom,
but it also lowered our discernment
and made men lazier.
The biological stakes haven’t disappeared.
They’ve just gone underground.
Pussy is a precious resource.
Wars have been fought for it.
Empires have crumbled over it.
Men will lie, shift, and shapeshift—
consciously or unconsciously—
to access it.
And if he can have your body without effort,
devotion, or consistency…
he will.
Withholding sex doesn’t make you manipulative.
It makes you self-possessed.
It means you’re watching what he does,
not just listening to what he says.
You hold the power.
You set the milestones.
30 days.
90 days.
Emotional safety.
A monogamy agreement.
The title of girlfriend.
Whatever you need to feel safe, seen, respected, and claimed.
If that feels like “too much” for him—
good.
Because the one who can hold you
will want to wait.
He’ll know you’re worth it.
There’s no such thing as a situationship
unless you give your body to someone who hasn’t claimed you.
That power belongs to you.
Let your body be honored.
And when you do choose to have sex,
let your pleasure come first.
Because sex is sacred and risky for women.
And there’s no point doing it
if you’re not even getting orgasms out of it.
Options Create Power
If you make him your only source of dopamine,
you’ll get addicted.
Even if he’s all potential and no substance.
He probably does have a rotation.
He doesn’t owe you anything until he commits.
If you act threatened,
you show him that your competition is above you.
And the truth is—
no one can actually compete with you.
And if he’s not smart enough to realize that?
That’s his burden, not yours.
And until he commits,
you owe him nothing either.
Not your body.
Not your emotional loyalty.
Let him have competition.
Even if that competition is
your own radiant company.
Keep your energy open to new options.
You can’t attract attention while hiding at home
hoping someone notices your worth.
You have to broadcast it.
Display your magic.
Let them witness it.
Don’t lie about your options,
but don’t overshare either.
2–4 contenders is ideal.
Options protect you from obsession.
And obsession is where your power leaks.
Women hate competition.
But mature men are galvanized by it.
Appreciate Him
Men want to win.
To provide.
To feel like they have a purpose in your world.
So when he solves a problem,
protects your peace,
or makes your life easier,
recognize it.
Because recognition breeds consistency.
Good men carry heavy burdens.
They feel the pressure to perform,
to succeed,
to provide
in a world that rarely acknowledges
how hard they try.
When a woman becomes his source of
encouragement, admiration, and emotional ease,
he anchors to her.
Tell him what feels good.
Voice what you like, not just what you don’t.
This is how you inspire.
This is how you invite.
Men respond to positive feedback.
They remember what gets praised.
And they repeat what gets noticed.
This doesn’t mean you reward crumbs.
If he’s offering the bare minimum,
silence, not criticism, is your most powerful response.
But when he gets it right?
Laugh at his jokes. Notice the effort.
Let him feel like he’s winning with you.
Stay Mysterious
Nothing awakens the masculine more than mystery.
Because dopamine doesn’t thrive on certainty—
it thrives on anticipation.
Feminine energy is naturally enigmatic.
She doesn’t rush to explain.
She doesn’t reveal everything at once.
She knows that curiosity is currency,
and that mystery creates tension.
And tension is what fuels attraction.
Not chaos.
Not games.
Just space.
Space for him to wonder,
to lean in,
to chase,
and to earn.
Let his imagination do the work.
Let him wonder where you are, what you’re doing, what you’re thinking.
This isn’t about being cryptic.
It’s about being rooted in yourself as sacred.
Be hard to get;
not because you’re closed,
but because you’re self-contained.
Be easy to be with;
not because you’re compliant,
but because you’re whole.
You are not passively reacting to love—
you are intentionally shaping how it unfolds.
You are curating an experience.
Reveal your world in layers
that he earns through consistency.
Women bond in the presence of a man.
Men bond in the absence of a woman.
So give him space to miss you.
A man who is worthy of you won’t fade away.
He will crave every moment of anticipation.
Stop Projecting Into the Future
You don’t need to know if he’s the one.
That’s your anxiety disguised as romance.
You can’t know if he’s the one
because the future is still unwritten.
It’s not fate.
It’s a ripple of choices he hasn’t made yet.
Your fear of abandonment
and your hunger for answers
are the very things that will make him disappear.
So drop the projection
and root into the present moment.
Focus on how you feel when you’re with him.
Do you feel seen?
Safe?
Desired?
Respected?
Or do you feel anxious, confused, or constantly insecure?
Not in the future you’re imagining—
but right now.
You are not here to audition for a title
or prove how amazing a life with you will be.
You are here to revel in the moment.
To be, to feel, and to glow.
Let the future be his burden, not yours.
Keep Your Boundaries Strong
Boundaries aren’t about control or punishment.
They’re about self-protection.
They’re how you show reverence to yourself,
and how you shield others from your resentment.
Stop people-pleasing.
Stop shape-shifting.
Stop making yourself more digestible
just so someone else feels comfortable.
Once you know how to stand in your worth,
you will not tolerate anyone who makes you question it.
If he won’t give you respect,
walking away is how you take it.
You are not here to be liked.
You are here to be known.
And when your boundaries are unshakeable,
you don’t have to sort the good men from the bad ones—
they sort themselves.
It’s tempting to think that if you were enough,
they would step up.
But here’s the truth:
You are like an exotic motorcycle.
Everyone wants a ride,
but not everyone has the skill,
the humility,
or the balls to pull it off.
The right one will be relieved that you have strong boundaries.
It won’t intimidate him.
It will inspire him.
Don’t Chase Him
Good men are scared of offending women or crossing boundaries,
which means the more problematic, aggressive ones
are often the first to initiate.
So even if you want him to pursue you,
he still needs an invitation.
Let him know you’re open.
Then step back and let him lead.
If he pulls back, you pull back.
Not to punish or manipulate—
but because you no longer see inconsistency as a challenge.
You see it as a boring cliché.
If he disappears for too long,
he risks being replaced.
That’s not a threat.
That’s reality.
But also, show patience.
We live in a culture of immediacy.
You only know he’s “pulling away” because your phone tells you
he’s not texting.
Before cell phones you would just be
blissfully living your life.
So when he pulls back?
Flirt with the world.
Glow.
Receive.
Be seen.
Masculine energy thrives in the space
between stimulus and response.
So give it space.
Let your absence speak louder than your presence ever could.
You don’t chase.
You mirror.
And in doing so,
you reclaim your center.
Every time you overextend for emotional unavailability,
you teach him his avoidance works.
You carry the weight of the connection
while he stays weightless.
You reward the very thing you hate.
Every time you waste emotional labor on the wrong man,
you inflate his value
while quietly bankrupting your own.
Don’t Abandon Yourself
Self-abandonment doesn’t happen all at once.
It happens in micro-moments.
It’s saying yes when you mean no.
It’s biting your tongue instead of voicing your truth.
It’s choosing his comfort over your own clarity.
And while those moments might feel small,
they stack.
They dilute you.
They disconnect you.
They teach your nervous system
that his world matters more than yours.
Mature men don’t admire women who abandon themselves to keep the peace.
They admire women who are ruthlessly loyal to their truth.
Because even good men will unconsciously test you.
They need to know if you’re ruthless enough
to raise ruthless daughters.
Even if they don’t want children.
Even if you can’t have children.
It’s in his primal wiring.
So be discerning.
You need more than chemistry to build an empire.
You need character.
Pay close attention when life gets hard:
When you’re struggling—does he show up or shut down?
When you’re celebrating—does he cheer for you or compete with you?
Because how he handles your joy and your pain reveals everything.
Speak Desires, Not Demands
Men don’t respond to pressure.
They respond to invitation and feeling inspired.
When you speak from softness instead of strategy,
from embodiment and not entitlement,
you create space for a man to choose you over and over again,
from a place of free will.
And to a man,
his freedom is everything.
The mistake we make is giving either
too much freedom or not enough.
You don’t give him freedom by abandoning yourself.
You give him freedom by walking away
if he’s not right for you—
instead of expecting him to change.
So speak your desires.
Not your disappointments.
Not your ultimatums.
Not your fear disguised as control.
Say, “I love it when you plan a date night,”
instead of, “You never take me out.”
Say, “I feel closest to you when we carve out uninterrupted time together,”
instead of, “You don’t make time for me.”
You’re not pushing.
You’re revealing.
You’re not asking him to be someone else.
You’re showing him how to win with you.
And then—
you wait.
You watch.
You let his actions speak for themselves.
The man you commit to
is the man he stays.
If you need him to change,
you need to see those changes before you choose him.
Because masculine men are wired to provide…
if you let them.
Be Intentional
Your dating life is a reflection of your self-regard.
So curate it with care.
Have a detailed profile.
One that’s magnetic, thoughtful, and specific.
Give him something to respond to.
Most men swipe on everyone.
So wait for someone to tell you
what made you stand out.
Don’t respond to generic, lazy messages.
Don’t reward low effort with your energy.
And don’t give your number until after the first date—
and only if you actually want to see him again.
Standards are sexy. Let them work for you.
Let him pay for more of the dates.
Not because you’re greedy or spoiled or selfish—
but because dating is more dangerous for women,
men still make more money than women,
and men only value what they’ve invested in.
Dating apps are a tool, not a lifeline.
If they leave you feeling cynical or discouraged, don’t use them.
And if you do,
they should support your strategy,
not be your strategy.
Use them to practice flirting, boundaries, self-trust.
More importantly,
flirt with the world.
Practice presence in the grocery store.
Make eye contact at the café.
Let your energy lead
and let your body tell you when it’s intrigued.
Dating can be fun again
once you stop performing and start trusting yourself.
And above all—
do not tolerate neglect.
Neglect is equivalent to abuse when it comes to children,
so why do we allow it in relationships?
Why do we confuse patience with passivity?
A man who doesn’t pay attention to you isn’t into you.
And that’s not an invitation to prove your worth.
That’s your cue to leave.
No more hoping to be chosen.
You are the one doing the choosing.
You have nothing to lose worth keeping.
It’s time to believe—
deeply and wildly in abundance.
Learn To Actually Like Men
Men have given you hundreds of reasons not to trust them.
You’re rightfully jaded, cynical, and full of doubt.
But if you start hating men as an entire group,
you might overlook the good ones.
Learn to bask in their attention
without needing it to lead anywhere.
Enjoy eye contact.
Enjoy flirting.
Accept compliments and favors.
Ask for help.
Let them support you.
You don’t have to need a man to enjoy men.
Let their presence enrich your day
without anchoring your worth to it.
Be vulnerable.
Let them plan, fix, offer, carry.
Men like to feel needed;
not because you can’t do it,
but because they want to.
Appreciate their efforts
without becoming dependent on them.
Actively look for examples of trustworthy men.
Hire ones you respect.
Work with them.
Learn from them.
Find a sexy massage therapist
or a brilliant counselor.
Let men meet your needs like no boyfriend ever has—
without giving them your heart.
Teach your body that it’s safe to receive again.
Stay observant.
Keep your energy open when you’re out in the world.
Look up. Make eye contact.
Notice who notices you.
And when you do find a man—
trust him.
Not blindly.
Not foolishly.
But consciously.
You can’t trust people not to betray you,
but you can trust them to show you who they are.
Trust that the wrong ones will reveal themselves.
Trust that imposters can’t hide forever.
And trust that the right man will take ownership,
fix his own mistakes,
and solve his own problems
without making them yours.
Believe in him until he gives you a reason not to.
And most importantly—
go where the men are.
Don’t isolate.
Don’t shut them down.
Don’t withdraw.
Not every man has to be the man.
You don’t have to resent him, fix him,
or shut him out just because he’s not your person.
You can still enjoy his company
without giving him your body.
Keep him in your orbit.
When you bask in masculine energy,
it signals to other men that you are
wanted, valued, and magnetic.
Be Strategic
Your masculine energy is not the enemy.
It helped you build.
It helped you survive.
It protected you when no one else did.
Don’t abandon it.
Wield it with intention.
Use it to control the pace.
Invoke it to slow things down when it’s moving too fast.
Soften it to speed things up when you need answers.
Push and pull contenders while you judge your options.
But don’t do it all alone.
Surround yourself with good women.
Women are natural manifestors.
We bring radiance, luck, and abundance
to whoever we favor.
Our energy is magnetic.
Our presence is magic.
Happy women amplify everyone around them—men and women alike.
A circle of high-vibe sisters
will pour into you more than a “good morning” text ever will.
There’s a reason married men often become more successful:
a woman’s energy uplifts, even when it’s platonic.
So let your sisters hold you
while you learn to soften.
Lead yourself with masculine discernment.
Nourish yourself with feminine community.
Enjoy Your Life
This is the most sacred, potent time of your life.
Don’t waste it longing.
Use it.
This is your chance to build the body you’ve always wanted—
not for him, but for you.
To find a style that turns you on when you pass a mirror.
To design a home that feels like a sanctuary.
To say yes to your own curiosity.
To explore.
To stretch.
To play.
You get to sleep peacefully at night
with no one gaslighting you, draining you,
or betraying your trust.
You don’t have to pump your body full of birth control hormones
or worry about STDs.
You’re on vacation from caretaking.
From micromanaging other people’s moods.
This is your window of maximum energy
to become HER—
the woman you’ve always wanted to be,
for no one else but you.
If you do end up with a husband or a house full of children,
you may never have this kind of time again.
So make it count.
Fall in love with your life.
Fall in love with yourself.
Build a life so rich, so fun, so deeply yours
that you forget to care whether anyone’s watching.
Don’t contort yourself to fit into his world.
Build your own.
Always have your own life,
your own goals,
your own passions.
Never Forget That You Are the Prize
Does it feel narcissistic? Maybe.
But would you rather be a lonely queen…
or a lonely peasant?
Spoiled and alone—or neglected and left wanting?
The masculine is valued for what he does.
The feminine is valued for who she is.
So stop performing and start becoming.
Make yourself the center of your own world.
Not in addition to your achievements—
but instead of them.
Feminine magnetism isn’t earned through effort.
It’s accessed through embodiment.
Men go where attention flows.
So focus on you, and they will too.
You are not seeking love.
You are broadcasting it.
Imagine you were thriving on a planet full of women.
Then one day, a man showed up.
Men are like dessert.
You don’t need one—
but they’re nice to have.
You were fulfilled before he ever arrived.
And you’ll only accept one
if he elevates the life you already love.
That’s the new world.
And in that world,
you don’t overextend to prove your worth.
You can’t make anyone happy unless you are happy.
And the things you need to be happy are not up for negotiation.
In this world,
the right man makes you a priority,
and he does it fast.
Men don’t shape-shift to be chosen—
and neither should you.
The more you betray your own values,
the more unhappy and unattractive you become.
Never love a man more than you love yourself.
And for once in your life—
fall in love with being a woman.
