Anxiety and Depression In Empaths & INFJs
Anxiety and depression are two of the most commonly misunderstood emotional states. Though often grouped together, they arise from different nervous system responses and require distinct forms of care and attention.
What Anxiety Is Really About
Anxiety is often the result of being stuck in flight mode. Your nervous system is activated, your mind is overthinking the future, and underneath it all, you’re likely carrying unexpressed fear. Anxiety is not just random—it’s a sign. A sign that you may need to prepare, focus on what is within your control, or perhaps stop avoiding something important.
In some cases, anxiety is the result of avoidance. Avoiding the problem increases the anxiety, which then increases the avoidance, and the cycle continues. Working through the problem, on the other hand, almost always decreases the fear surrounding it.
Narcissists, for example, often carry a lot of anxiety—because they carry a lot of secrets. When you live more honestly and confront your fears, anxiety tends to lessen. The fewer the secrets, the better you sleep.
One of the most useful ways to deal with anxiety is to make hard choices. As the saying goes, hard choices lead to an easier life. Easier choices often lead to a harder life. Anxiety also arises when you don’t trust yourself or your intuition. This is especially tricky because anxiety and intuition can feel similar—so how do you know which one is speaking?
The key is calming yourself. The more regulated your nervous system is, the easier it is to distinguish between anxious thought patterns and true intuitive knowing.
Medical Anxiety and Somatic Signals
Medical anxiety happens when the body gets stuck in fight or flight without a clear cause. You might feel like something is wrong physically, but there’s no diagnosis or explanation. This can occur when your body is reacting to chronic stress or trauma—it’s attacking itself from the inside.
I experienced a lot of this during an abusive relationship. My body knew something was wrong before I could name it, and that’s often the case with trauma. Your health and your anxiety are deeply connected—they feed into each other.
One of the best ways to manage anxiety is to write out everything you’re anxious about, and then focus on just one of those things at a time. Make the others wait their turn. Anchor yourself in the moment. Ask yourself: In this exact place and time, am I alive? Am I safe? If the answer is yes, bring your attention back to that.
Also consider this: If I were doing everything right, would I still be in this situation? Often, the answer is yes, which means the problem isn’t necessarily something you caused—and that insight can bring tremendous relief.
Understanding Depression
Depression, unlike anxiety, is often a freeze response. You’re stuck in the past, weighed down by unprocessed grief, or emotionally frozen. Where anxiety asks for calming and clarity, depression needs motion and momentum.
The medicine for depression is dopamine—but not the kind you get from doomscrolling or binging TV. I’m talking about easy, achievable wins. Small tasks. Getting out of bed. Doing the dishes. Walking to the mailbox. These tiny acts rebuild your momentum and give your nervous system the signal that you are alive and capable.
It’s important to distinguish depression from burnout. Burnout looks similar, but it requires rest, not action. Depression, on the other hand, calls for movement. A depressed system is sluggish. It needs gentle, steady stimulation to wake up.
If you’re not sure which you’re dealing with, check in with your body. If you feel overworked and exhausted, it might be burnout. If you feel numb and nothing seems worth doing, it’s likely depression.
A Simple Emotional Practice
To support yourself, I want to offer a simple practice. Look up a Feelings Wheel—or check the one I’ve linked below—and use it to name your emotions.
As you identify what you’re feeling, ask yourself:
Where in my body am I feeling this?
Does it have a shape? A size? A color?
Try to describe it without judgment. Just notice and allow. Also reflect: What emotions do I feel most often? And which ones do I avoid?
The more fluently you can identify your emotions and feel them in your body, the more empowered you become in navigating anxiety, depression, or any emotional state.
Final Thoughts
Anxiety and depression are not weaknesses. They are signals. By slowing down, making conscious choices, and building self-awareness, you can begin to shift the patterns that keep you stuck. You don’t have to do it alone.
